The matriarch of a family with whom I strongly associate many of my childhood memories passed away recently. She played a very symbolic role in my early years. Thinking about her, her family, my own family, and the community of which we were all a part, I was reminded that our lives touch others in ways we are frequently unaware. I doubt she knew that in the mind of at least one of her children’s friends, she would represent forever what it meant to be a good neighbor, a responsible member of the fabled “village”, the loving but firm parent who set boundaries but also let the kids be kids and quietly monitored what they were all up to from the other room or the kitchen window. She represented to me, like my own mother, the model of a strong, fair, intelligent, grounded, engaged, co-head of the household, who was always to be trusted and respected. Plus…and I’m certain I never breathed a word of this to her kids—my friends—I thought she was so much more fashionable than most moms and had a design style that I admired! She was as cool as any of the 70s tv show moms, for sure!
The photos I have of that time in my life bring back colorful and fond memories. The memories and the people in them are a part of my story. We are many things to many people during a lifetime and we will never know most of the roles we have played in the lives of others. And that is okay. There is only so much time we have here on this earth, and those closest to us deserve to know more about us than the tiny sliver of ourselves that most of the people in our lives get to know.
A few years before my parents passed, I interviewed each of my parents, capturing the interviews on video. I wish now that I had done it earlier, before age interfered with memories, and that I had done it on occasions stretched over several years, with input from my siblings and my children in creating the lines of inquiry. I wish that I had interviewed others who had known them, understanding that their recollections would be very different than my own.
Everyone has a story. Many stories. But life is busy, passes quickly, and we often miss opportunities for deeper insights, wishing to know more when it’s too late to ask. If you sit with your loved ones and look at photos together, stories might be revealed that need a nudge of a photo to bring them to the surface. These memories will show you sides of your loved ones that might not be part of who they are now. Or there might be revelations that lead to an understanding of something that long puzzled you. A photo might not look worth keeping until you hear the accompanying story from the person who took it. These windows into a person’s life can be so much more meaningful than the smiling studio portrait, but their meaning will only remain if these stories are remembered.
What experiences in your life shaped you? Who are the mentors, teachers, strangers, authors, artists, neighbors, etc., that influenced your life, your thoughts, your beliefs? What lessons have you learned that changed your mind? Whose gestures of compassion touched your life? Photos are so much more meaningful when they come with a story, such as the example below, which my mother fondly related to me as we went through her collection together. Take the time with your loved ones to share your stories.
